The Forte Factor
a Greatness Zone LLC company
Email:
Jay@TheForteFactor.com
Life

Rebounding from Tough Times Starts With You

“You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,” says the great author A. A. Milne. These aren’t just words. They are a reminder that the way out of any tough time starts with you.

Most of us have been led to believe that we don’t have what it takes to get up when the world pushes us down. We have been taught that we are weak and should therefore rely on others, our institutions or even our faith. But there’s a common denominator in all of this: any movement forward starts with you. For that, you must learn to know yourself and believe yourself capable, even in difficult times.

Most of my clients come to me not believing they have what it takes to achieve or address the thing that has brought them to me. They can’t see their way out of a challenge. They can’t achieve something that always seems out of reach.

My conversation with them starts by shifting their focus from the external (the thing they want to achieve or address) to the internal (the strengths, talents, passions and values that make them who they are).

A large part of why life seems so difficult for many people is they are unaware of how expansive they are – braver, stronger and smarter. We can’t rely on some of amazing attributes to help us through tough times if we don’t know them. That requires self-discovery and self-awareness. So, I guide my clients to start their work by developing a larger understanding of the abilities they have available to them at any moment, and to employ those abilities as needed. When they do this, they start to realize that many of life’s events that had been able to derail or distract them can be more easily handled.

Here are several of the activities I recommend to my clients to expand what they know of themselves.

  • Take a personality or abilities assessment to provide practical language of your abilities, including an introduction to abilities you may have been unaware you possess.
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings as events happen. Over time you will see your true nature and abilities come through in your thoughts.
  • Answer questions like
    • What do others applaud me for?
    • When I feel confident/successful, what am I doing?
    • When I am fully engaged and having a great time what am I doing?
    • When I make a difference that matters, what am I doing?
    • If you were to introduce yourself to someone new, what five of my attributes would I share?
  • When you find yourself avoiding or ignoring something, stop and notice why you are acting this way.
  • Ask a family member or friend to share their view of your greatest abilities and where they see you using them.

As you gather information, summarize it so you can start to see an expanding understanding of yourself. Now with greater personal awareness, look at a tough situation and ask yourself, “Which of my abilities will help me here?” This shift from feeling challenged about the situation to addressing it head-on by using your expanded abilities activates your energy, confidence and success.

Sure, there will be some extremely tough events in life – some larger than any of us. But most of what we feel are challenging situations take on this feeling because we fail to see that we are braver, stronger and smarter than we believe ourselves to be. We just need to know more about ourselves.

Take Action
It is up to you to navigate yourself through all of the situations in life, both the easy ones and the tough ones. The easy ones build your energy. The tough ones require your energy. Fuel yourself with knowledge about who you are (through self-discovery work) so that you have it ready to go when life asks more of you.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Why Everyone Needs a Snapshot

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Life

How to Rally in Tough Times

There are some events in life that seem to knock the wind out of us. Things like a bad performance review at work or an unexpected job termination. Things like a foreclosure, a divorce or a tough diagnosis. These events feel personal. When they happen, we feel like we have been punched in the gut.

But, as the sun rises each day, we must also rise up and keep moving, regardless of how we feel. As we have seen throughout the pandemic, those who succeed are the ones who learn how to develop the stamina to deal head-on with what life sends and the grit to find a solution, even in the toughest of times. They rally because they know how to move past the challenges and see the opportunities. This empowers and engages them to keep moving forward.

As a Coach, I regularly engage with clients who are trying to reconnect to their mojo – to rally in tough times. Here is some of the advice and guidance I share.

  1. Shift your attitude to one that is about rebounding and taking action. Regardless of how it feels, remember that tough times are not personal. Life doesn’t have you in its crosshairs; it is what it is. This is an important realization to be able to move past the feeling of being a victim and start to identify your feelings. Why do you feel the way you do? Try saying it out loud to help you better understand it. Feelings inspire your attitude, which then affects your thoughts and actions, so make time to understand and acknowledge your feelings to be able to move past them. Once you’re clear about what you are feeling, check in on your attitude. Optimistic attitudes create the space to feel energized to deal with what needs to be done. Pessimistic attitudes just hold you back. Shifting your attitude to something more productive will help you refocus your thoughts and actions to things that are more productive.
  2. Refocus on the goal. Now with a more positive attitude, refocus or recommit to the goal. Clarity about what you want and need to achieve can inspire you to get back up and keep moving. See the value in your goal. Imagine what it will feel like when it is achieved and use this energy to get excited and rally.
  3. Engage your support network. Since life and work are tough, develop and rely on your support network to help you manage your attitude, to see things clearly and support you as you work to make things happen. The phrase, “none of us is as smart as all of us,” should serve as a reminder to you to engage with others to solicit ideas and new approaches. Your support network will be more inclined to support and help the optimistic version of you instead of the complaining, pessimistic you.

Take Action
On its best day, life and work are tough, even if we love what we do. Things happen that seem to sucker punch us or knock us down. It is in these exact moments that call on you to see that you have what it takes to understand, direct and respond in a way that makes the best out of what is happening. Stamina and grit are needed in today’s world. They are success skills.

Tune in to your feelings. Understand them. Shift your attitude to one that will support you. Get refocused on what you are trying to achieve and then engage others to help you rally and get back in the game. Then, as life sends other sucker punches (and it will), you will be more aware that you have what it takes to rally and persevere.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Go Center Yourself

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Life

Three Things COVID Taught Me About What Really Matters

Catastrophes can be epic teachers, and a crisis can be a great job interview. They test us in ways to make us really tap into our greatest strengths and show up in ways that may even surprise us. We also see who rallies and who checks out.

These tough times have a lot to share with us if we are willing to tune in, pay attention and learn.

Though there are so many negatives connected to COVID, I believe that in every event, there is always something to learn, appreciate and connect with.

Here are the three most important things COVID has taught me about what really matters in work and life.

1. People matter most so always lead with love. Life is fragile. The people that aggravated you yesterday by eating your lunch from the office fridge, or took credit for a project or even forgot to say good morning as they walked by may become a statistic of this moment. The challenge of this moment reminds us to lead with love in our communication, kindness in our actions and care in our thoughts.

In this context, love isn’t romantic. It is a deep caring. It is intentional interest. It is profound concern. It is great joy. We are social beings and want and need people in our lives. In the tough moments, focus more on who they could be than who they are. Everyone is struggling in some way, so what others may deliver to you might be because of a stressed moment. It may be more the moment speaking than the person. Remember this.

2. Each of us has amazing gifts that will help us in this exact moment. When confronted with a challenge, we need to learn how to see it as our MacGyver moment – our moment to use everything we know and have to make something important happen. It might be the humor that someone on your team has that keeps everyone’s moods up to help them all through the workday. It might be the gift of staying calm that is shared with others to help them learn how to manage their anxiety. It might be the ability to ask great questions and listen generously to help others feel heard and supported as they struggle with the anxiety and fears of the moment. It may be the detail-focused person who knows every detail about staying safe in COVID and has ensured your workplace is the best it can be.

We each have our things that we are masters at. Tough times help us notice and use these to benefit ourselves and others.

3. Life makes no promises; it just provides opportunities. Not only is life short, but it has few, if any, guarantees. It doesn’t promise that good things happen to good people. It doesn’t promise to be fair or that you should be happy every day. It delivers what it delivers. Each moment of each day is an opportunity to use what comes our way to make something good.

I am reminded of what my dad required of my five siblings and me. He shared that it was our job to pay attention in life – not to judge it – but to see it for whatever it was. Then, we were to ask ourselves what could we do to make this better?, then act on it. It was our obligation to stop and notice ourselves and our world and see the opportunities in each. Where could I be better? What could I help with to make something in my world better? Start to list the opportunities that are present in your days. It will help you see the world through an opportunity focus and, as a result, tough times will deliver something valuable.

Take Action
COVID, like everything, is a teacher. But for the lessons to take hold, we have to be willing learners. Learning requires an attitude and openness to see what is possible. It takes effort to change our perspective about negative or challenging events to seeing something good in them. When we do, we find that every event in life has something important to share – a success to celebrate or a lesson to learn. The way to be part of it is to fully engage with it – not just the good times, but all of the times. So instead of the expression Live, Love, Learn, maybe a better way to share it is Learn so you can Love so you can Live.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading A Recap: Five Rules for A Really Great Life in 2020

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Life

How You Act Won’t Influence How I Show Up

If you watch the Bravo Channel, you regularly see deckhands, housewives and roommates in full react mode, screaming and yelling because of something someone said or did.

And we see this daily in real-life: in a store when someone refuses to wear their mask, on a highway when someone cuts another person off, a comment on social media. Kaboom. An explosion of self-unregulated ire. Tit for tat. Retaliation. All-out war.

We have all become so accustomed to being activated by the actions of others that we don’t even realize when someone affects us in an unproductive way.

The real question is why? Why do we let others yang us here and there, activate us to lose our cool so we act in ways we say are against our values, and do and say things we regret?

This past year was so full of challenges that it’s little wonder we are all super stressed. And because of that constant stress, it really doesn’t take much to flip the switch and set us off. Our quick triggers, coupled with an increased social acceptance of bad behaviors, has led to little or no self-regulation, even among those who should be setting a better example (like politicians, celebrities and even our mentors, neighbors, family members and friends).

To combat this growing tit for tat mindset, I have committed to this phrase: How you act won’t influence how I show up.

Let me show you a couple of real-world examples of what this looks like.

Example 1: On the evening news the other night was a story about a couple who lost their cool. They were driving back into their gated community in a prestigious town in South Florida. They didn’t have their access card so the guard at the gatehouse, not knowing them, asked for their licenses. As he did his required background checks, this couple became irate at the inconvenience, got out of their car and screamed at the guard. Unaffected and continuing his background process, the husband hit the guard, causing the guard to hit his head on the glass of the guard booth. The guard maintained his cool, finished the background check and gave them access. The husband was charged with assault. The guard was applauded for his self-control.

Example 2: Early in my career, I worked for a super tense manager. Things had to be exactly as he wanted or he would meltdown, scream, bully and swear. This was a daily event, and it was frequently over the smallest things. It was quite normal to hear raging arguments as members of the team fought back, egged on by his horrid behavior. Nothing seemed to ever please this manager. One by one, everyone quit because dealing with him was not worth the effort, me included. It was in this moment that I promised myself I would never let the antics or negative behaviors of another influence who I am or how I show up. That was, and would always be, my choice.

Self-control. Self-regulation. The ability not to be set into unproductive motion every time something happens or someone says something you don’t like. To respond starts with each of us. We each must make a commitment to be in charge of – and in control of – how we show up to each of the events of life.

Take Action
So how do you develop and maintain this self-regulation? By developing a mindful practice. It could include a variety of things that help you get re-centered, like journaling, breathing and meditation. Each of these can prepare you to move through tough situations with tough people calmly and gracefully.

Stop and notice the people in your life. Who activates you to react? Why? What would it take for you to remember that who you are and how you show up is always your choice?

No one makes you be or act in any particular way. You choose it. Sure, there are people who can push your buttons, if you let them. There are people who can get you to descend into petty behaviors, if you let them. There are people who can get you to do horrible things, like post insults on social media, if you let them. Or you can decide who you are and who you will be in every moment, of every day, regardless of what others do.

Clearly define who you are and who you will be in your encounters with others. Notice that when you choose to be the one who stays calm and responds with grace, you don’t get pulled into the drama and self-unregulated actions of others. Your decisions are wiser. Your life is happier.

You are your life’s owner.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Confidence in a COVID World

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3 Things COVID Taught Me About How I Parent

I’m going to be the first to raise my hand and say I’m only human (shh… don’t tell anyone). I get angry. I get frustrated. I lose my cool. I make mistakes. Sometimes, I dwell on these moments longer than I should (see the Energy Funnel). Sometimes, I see the lesson quickly and change gears to adjust my behaviors.

Living in this pandemic world over the past year has brought a lot of my human behaviors to the forefront, and I’m not always impressed with myself.

But I’m choosing not to judge this observation. In fact, I’ve used this as a great learning experience to be a better parent, a better wife, a better sister, a better friend, a better coach… overall, a better person.

Though each area of my life has improved in some way, I want to share the 3 things COVID taught me about how I parent (and what I can do better), specifically because I believe that, as a parent, guiding our kids to be confident in this crazy world is one of the most important jobs we have.

Equipping our kids with the ability to give themselves some grace when they’re feeling particularly human and empowering them to move forward in a thoughtful and intentional way starts with us. We’re their role models. We are their guides. If we expect a certain behavior from them, shouldn’t we practice it ourselves?

Here are the 3 things I learned about myself as a parent and how I made necessary adjustments to be better.

1. Commit to being a human.
For some reason, I always believed that a parent should never show a sign of weakness or admit to making mistakes because you were just… above that. I know, it sounds silly. But when you’re a kid, you look to your parents as the ones with the answers, the ones who make the hurt go away, the ones who know you better than you know yourself. Parents are superheroes. So when I feel particularly human, I find it very hard and frustrating to try to balance the human side with the “super” parent side. And it can be exhausting.

So I made a change. I talked to my kids. I explained why I was upset, or sad, or angry. And you know what? It made a huge difference. They understood why certain behaviors made me angry or frustrated; there was no guessing or tiptoeing around Angry Mommy. They understood why I was crying or sad (we said goodbye to our cat who needed a new home; there were lots of questions about tears that day…) and they weren’t afraid to talk to me about it. I gave myself grace to be a human and the confidence to be honest with myself and my kids about what I was feeling and why, a lesson I hope I’m teaching my three little boys so they confidently show up as themselves as they grow up. It reminded me of the great wisdom shared by Theodore Roosevelt, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

2. Commit to always make things better.
You know those days when the kids just seem to be on a mission to press EVERY. SINGLE. BUTTON? Yeah, we’ve all been there. If we’re lucky, it’s a day-long event. If we dealt a poor hand, it might last a week (DARN FULL MOON). And here’s what I noticed: I drop to a very unproductive level. Sometimes I yell. Sometimes I just give up and let them run amuck, choosing my battles so I don’t waste the waning energy I have. And at the end of the day? I feel horrible, guilty and upset.

So I made a change. When we’re having a day, I ask myself: what would make this a good day? When I reset my brain to think about how it could be better, instead of dwelling on why it’s not a good day, things start to shift toward a more productive outcome. And at the end of the day, I usually feel energized and happy.

3. Commit to getting to a state of calm.
My kids are looking to me for guidance. If I’m grumpy or short-tempered, why would they think any other way would be appropriate? We see this behavior everywhere – from the workplace (have you ever actively avoided the grumpy boss?) to the kitchen table – no one wants to be around grumpy people because it brings down the energy of the room.

I noticed when I was stressed, anxious or generally frustrated, my kids would reflect the behavior. They’d fight more, whine about the smallest thing and refuse my attempts to diffuse the situation. It always ended up with an explosion, usually from me.

So I made a change. When things are getting a little heated, we all take a yoga breath (sometimes I take a few more in the quiet escape of the bathroom, or basement, or closet) and we get re-centered. We figure out what’s bothering us and then ask ourselves why. Sometimes, the core of the issue is something easily fixed (i.e. SNACKS). Sometimes, the core of the issue is something bigger, like not enough time to get something done (*raises my hand*), and that requires an intentional mindset shift. Focus on what you need to get done, focus on who you need to be to get it done and show up as that person.

Take Action
What has the pandemic taught you about how you show up to life? Start small; pick one thing that you notice about yourself. Maybe it’s something you do really well. Maybe it’s something you’d like to improve on.

Whatever it is, write it down. If it’s working, do more of it. If it’s not working, think about what you could do to make a change.

Remember that we’re human, too. And we can help if you need it.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Reassess What’s Really Important

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Sometimes When You Least Expect It…

5 years ago, when someone asked me for my favorite book, I’d list off some books that stuck with me over the years, most of which were for adult readers.

But with three little kids, I have a slew of new favorite books. Some of them are classics that I grew up reading, like Goodnight Moon. Others have found a place in my heart because I’m reading them as a parent now, like Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You (parents, brace yourselves for the emotions this one will bring up).

But one book in particular caught me by surprise: Love Monster.

It sounds like a kid’s book. It sounds like something quirky and funny. But the lesson this book shares is miraculous.

The story is about a monster who is looking for someone to love him in a world that is full of very different things (“you know, cute, fluffy things”). Things that people have no trouble loving. So, he decides to go on a mission to find someone who will love him just the way he is. He looks everywhere but only finds his shadow or a reflection, nothing real. He gets tired and feels defeated, so he “gives up” and goes home. But right at the end, when he feels all hope is lost, he finds another love monster, just like him. It ends with a powerful line: “Sometimes when you least expect it, love finds you.”

Like I said, it’s a cute kid’s book with a very big lesson: sometimes when you least expect it, when life seems to be as hard as it could possibly be, when things seem too dark, things shift. The light appears. Your opportunity presents itself. Whatever you’ve been searching for shows up.

If you go at life with others’ definitions of happiness and love, you will likely be disappointed. But if you realize that you are unique and just right as you are, you will be open to finding people and life events that fit the real you. You will tap into the love that is in you and doesn’t need anyone’s approval for you to access it, appreciate it, use it and share it.

Reset your brain for the power love holds. And I don’t mean this as solely a romantic kind of love. I mean self-care. I mean kindness. I mean looking out for the welfare of humankind.

One of my all time favorite quotes I found when I was planning my wedding over a decade ago holds amazingly true today: “Right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.”

Create your fairy tale out of what you have and who you are. After all, this is your fairy tale. You get to invent it in a way that is right for you.

Who knows. Maybe your story starts by being a love monster.

Take Action
Shift your mind. Lead with love. See the opportunities that appear for you when you let your mind be open to the possibilities. Because the truth is this: a mind geared toward kindness regularly sees kindness. A heart open to love regularly finds love. So be open because these can happen in the most unexpected of places.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Successfully and Intentionally Raising Little Humans

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Don’t Let the External Noise Interrupt Your Internal Quiet

Lately, I have gotten into yoga. The yoga class I like the most (because the instructor actually instructs those of us who are novices) is at a gym where the weight equipment is on the second floor and the yoga room is on the first floor. Throughout our yoga class, weights are dropped with booming resonance, sounding like thunder or explosions. Not a good environment for finding your Zen.

Or, perhaps, it serves as an important lesson.

During one of my yoga classes, a particularly loud boom jolted me from my mindful and peaceful place and abruptly pulled me back to the first floor at the gym. I could have been upset and frustrated at the interruption, but instead, it reminded me that life is full of noise.

The continual bing of the email or text notification, interrupting every moment of our days. The 24-hour news cycle that continually shares what is difficult, disappointing and dangerous in our world. The continual yack of people on cell phones, even in quiet places like a waiting room or a trail in a pristine grove of hemlocks.

When we are pushed and assaulted by the distractions and noise of our world, we get worn out. Notice how you interact with yourself and others when you are worn out. Generally, this isn’t your best.

Sometimes you can control the noise, but in most cases, you have to learn to create your own internal quiet oasis within the noise. Learning to be fully present in a noisy world is key to being happy and successful in that same noisy world. Those who meditate share that when you develop your practice, you can meditate in the peace and quiet on a beach or in the cacophony of a subway car.

Don’t let the external noise interrupt your internal quiet.

Finding your internal quiet gives us the ability to tune in to ourselves – to understand what we are feeling, thinking and experiencing. It is in this time that we better understand who we are so we can more calmly and wisely respond to our noisy and distracting world.

Let me show you what this looks like in a real-world example. Try this: memorize the following two lines while you have the television on or while you are watching a YouTube video: “Mindfulness means paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. This is how to show up to yourself and your world.”

 Did you find this easy? Challenging? For most people, I bet it was tough. Here’s why: your brain easily gets interrupted by external distractions and noise.

Now, create a space of quiet and calm. In that space, try to memorize the same two lines. You will likely be more successful at the task.

See the impact of creating quiet? Sure, sometimes you can remove yourself from the noise and be in a place that is literally quiet. But in most cases, you will have to create your place of quiet amid the noise. It will be up to you to find a way to get to your inner quiet, even when the world around you is loud.

So, whether it is weight-lifters dropping weights during a yoga class or the ever-present technology making sounds and recommendations to our thoughts and comments, our world is a distracting one. It is up to each of us to either turn down the noise or learn to tune it out. In the quiet moments is where we can process our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts and even our world, to wisely, deliberately and intentionally interact, not react, to it.

Take Action
Wherever you find yourself, take three breaths. Calm your body. Quiet your mind. Focus on something internally. Allow yourself to dwell on that – a feeling, a mantra, a kind thought, a wish or anything that is productive and happiness-based. In this way, and regardless of the noise and distractions around you, you can create an oasis of peace where you can calm yourself, manage your emotions and be present. From there, you can reach back out to that noisy world in a calmer, more intentional and a more mindful way.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Small Steps are Key for Big Changes

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Confidence in a COVID World

Man, the world is weird right now. Sure, we’ve all laughed at the ever-changing guidelines, the uncertainty around existing guidelines and which ones to follow, and how our world will never be the same (perhaps it’s a coping mechanism, but I digress). We’ve wondered when – or if – we’ll ever be able to go somewhere without masks. We’ve been uncertain about whether we’d be comfortable leaving the house without masks. We’ve had nightmares about loved ones losing their battle to the virus. We’ve been worried we might get it ourselves.

But then things seem to settle and life goes on. You create new routines. You get into a new groove. And just when you think you get a handle on things, something changes again. You lose control of the situation, again.

It’s hard to stay positive and confident in a COVID world.

Let me tell you a story that put a lot of this into perspective.

My middle son was talking to my Mom on the phone. As is the norm now, it was a video chat, so he was walking around with the phone, showing her what he was playing with and talking about what he was going to do for the rest of the day. My Mom asked him if he would like to play at her house soon. He paused for the briefest of moments as he looked at me and said, “I’d like to, but we have to wear masks so we don’t get sick… it’s probably better if I just stay home for now. I think it makes more sense to just be home.”

I felt so many emotions. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Pride.

Never when I dreamed of being a mom, of raising my children, did I ever think of parenting in a pandemic and what that would feel like for me (as a parent) or my kids. Never did I think about the impact these rules and guidelines would have on such young kids. Never did it even occur to me that, despite the constant touch points with grandparents and friends and family through video chats and phone calls, relationships would be forever changed.

But perhaps the biggest realization is that through all of this, I noticed all of my boys were showing up confident to the world they live in. They are working on discovering their strengths and flexing those what-else-can-I-try muscles. I was seeing their resilience, their ability to move with whatever life was sending them.

Though my heart broke hearing him talk about the need for masks and how it’s safer to just stay home, my heart was equally as proud. He was confident and adaptable. He didn’t see it as a problem or a challenge; life is what it is.

And this little boy continues to remind me that there is so much to learn from kids who have yet to be negatively influenced with the anxiety and fear that seems to fill an adult’s mind.

The confidence we choose to have each day, the way we decide to show up in every aspect of our lives, is so easily impacted by external forces.

But what if we decided, instead, to adapt to change and not fight it? To acknowledge when we can and can’t control a situation and to manage ourselves and our response to it? Life never promises an easy road. It does, however, give us plenty of opportunities to use strengths we never knew we had.

So, to be confident in a COVID world means recognizing what you do and don’t have control over. It’s about committing to being yourself and knowing that you are already equipped with everything you need to navigate life’s road, the smooth ones and the bumpy ones.

Take Action

When you find yourself getting frustrated that things are still not “back to normal,” take a deep breath and ask yourself: is this something I can control? If it is, then ask yourself: what can I do to fix it?

If it’s not within your control, ask yourself: how can I learn to be flexible, resilient and not fight with life?

Your confidence will grow as you learn to appreciate life as it is, celebrating the good times and using the tough times to grow, learn and develop into a stronger, wiser and more resilient you.

By Kristin Allaben

Continue reading A Lesson from Kids: Finding the Good

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Small Steps are Key for Big Changes

No doubt the start of 2021 encouraged you to make some big resolutions. After all, many of us were quite happy to see 2020 and its year of challenges come to an end.

But just wanting 2021 to be better won’t make it better. For that to happen, you have to get clear about what you want in 2021. Doing this gives you clarity, which lets you start to break your expectations down into smaller, digestible components. This is the key to a successful 2021.

As Stephen Covey so clearly shared in Habit #2 of his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “begin with the end in mind.”

So take some time to get clear about what you want this year. The guidance I offer my business and life coaching clients is to select 3 or 4 things you want to achieve. Why only 4? Because more than 4 will inspire burn out and, most likely, you’ll give up.

So choose 3 or 4 meaningful things you want to achieve and make them clear and measurable so you can assess whether you are making progress.

These things to achieve could be anything, like read 10 books this year to focus on learning instead of watching television.

It could be to lose an inch or two in waist size or improve blood pressure through better eating and exercise.

It could be to develop greater passion for work by changing jobs by the end of the year to a job that needs what you do and like best.

Get clear of your destination.

Then, build your journey. Start to create the smaller steps that will help you arrive at your goal. What is one thing you can do in January? Do it all month long to help it become a habit on which you will build stronger and better habits as you move through the year. Based on the examples above, the smaller steps could be to create your reading list, purchase your first book and start reading. It could be to stop buying crackers and cookies in your weekly food shopping. It could be taking time to get clear about what a job that inspires you could be.

Then, add to those steps. What is one more thing you can do in February, then March, then April?  Small changes consistently done can result in significant results over time. Each month builds on your success from the previous month.

As you develop the new habits and discipline, you can do more significant things to achieve your goal, such as joining a book club to increase your reading, committing to eating as a vegetarian for a month to improve your eating habits or updating your resume and submitting it to 3 job opportunities in the month.

Each step required earlier fundamental change and action to be ready for this more advanced step.

Finally, enlist an accountability partner. My role as coach frequently has me serve as my clients’ accountability partner – someone on the outside who helps them achieve what they say matters to them by regularly checking in on their progress and holding them accountable for its achievement. The same happens with fitness trainers and their clients.

But it doesn’t need to be a coach; a friend, partner, spouse or colleague all can be great accountability partners. Give them the authority to hold you to your word and to your plan. We all can find reason why we don’t want to do what we commit to doing, so let others help you stay on track.

Take Action
Small steps over time are the key to great achievements. When we start with small steps, we don’t feel overwhelmed by the step or the change. We can build it into our routine and it soon becomes our routine. Then, it prepares us to take a larger next step – to build on what we have created. And over time, we find ourselves sticking to our plan and achieving things that we wanted.

A new year doesn’t make things better. Clear goals and a reasonable plan does.

Dream big for 2021, then divide the dream into smaller achievable steps. Then the dream can become your reality.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Why Everyone Needs a Snapshot

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Life

Why Everyone Needs a Snapshot

At The Forte Factor, we start all of our coaching relationships by helping our clients get to know themselves better. We guide them through activities and tools to better understand what they are good at, what they love and what they value, as well as helping them identify their triggers, blind spots and biases. Knowing themselves at a deeper level enables and empowers them to get clearer about what they want and need, and, ultimately, how to make wiser decisions everywhere in their lives.

After all, you can’t work toward achieving big goals or even identifying real dreams until you know who you are and where you’re starting from.

We use the same approach for ourselves.  As coaches, we make time every day to continually expand our understanding of who we are. This encourages us to show up and be the best versions of ourselves in not only our daily lives but as your Coach.

One of our tools is a free online assessment called 3About Me. We provide this because we believe that everyone should know at least three of their talents and strengths, which can help you start to identify the places in work and life that fit you best.

So, as I was thinking about moving into a new year, I decided to revisit my 3AboutMe Talent Assessment results. Here’s the word cloud of my results from the 3AboutMe assessment I took in June 2019 (my 3 core talents are Caring, Decisive and Results-Focused; the other words are words that further explain my core 3):

My 3AboutMe word cloud

I remember looking at this a year and a half ago and thinking “pretty accurate.” My family and closest friends would say the same.

I know our world can influence changes in us, but regardless of COVID-19 and how our world has basically been flipped upside down, my 3 core words still are accurate today.

Here’s why: I remain true to who I am. I know when to turn up my strengths and when to turn them down because I know what my greatest strengths are. I know when I need to lean in to my liabilities (the other side of my strengths and the things that don’t come easily) and push myself out of my comfort zone because I know when a situation needs those attributes for the greatest or most successful outcome. I know I feel happiest, successful and accomplished when I’m doing something that is directly aligned to my natural talents because I know what my talents are and how to use them in today’s world.

You’ll find the people who are happiest with who they are the ones who know who they are and build their work and lives around what they do and like best. They are intentional about finding their fit.

I was reading a great article about the evolution of the celebration to mark the 400th anniversary of the Mayflower’s landing and came across this quote: “History isn’t a tree, it’s a meadow. It’s a million individual threads twining and unraveling in the wind. When you’re in the midst of it, it’s chaos. It’s only from a great distance that you can discern the shape of it…”

How perfectly this sums us up as human beings. We forget to take the time to step back, to process what’s happening, to reflect on our response and emotions and get caught up in the every day mess. But when we know who we are and can step back and fully appreciate our world, we can then connect what is best in us to that world – we can see where and how our talents can best be used. We gain greater insight into how we can show up to our world as who we really are.

Take Action
Take time to get to know the real you, the you that sometimes get pushed aside to handle the priority item(s) for the day. Especially right now, coming off a very challenging 2020. We’ve adopted mentalities and behaviors that aren’t necessarily true to who we are, but became a way of being. Recognize where those are not the true you.

A way to start is to take our free 3AboutMe Talent Assessment. It is a great place to start to develop the language around your talents and strengths, and then start to ask yourself, “where are the places in work and life that let me fully employ my unique abilities?”

Imagine what you could accomplish when you know you are aligned to your natural talents and strengths and know how to manage each of them in a way that lets you be who you really are.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Tune Out to Tune In

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