Try, Try Again

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Identifying Your End Goal Can Make it Happen

I was reading Corduroy with my kids the other day and I was impressed with the underlying message: identify your end goal or you won’t know how to get there.

For those of you who don’t know the story (or who haven’t read it in years, like me), it’s about a little bear in a toy store who is missing a button on his overalls and, as a result, no one wants to buy him. The story is about his adventure to find his button, which he does not find. Disappointed, he finds himself back on the toy store shelf only to be purchased by a little girl who always wanted a bear like him – just has he was. The book ends with her sewing on a new button for him, explaining that even though she likes him just the way he is, the button on his overalls will be more comfortable.

Big lessons here.

First, you are perfect the way you are. Each of us come packaged with a unique assortment of abilities. When we take the time to get to know and value these, we can better use them to make our difference in the world. I love this quote from Buckminster Fuller, “What is it on this planet that needs doing that I know something about that probably won’t happen unless I take responsibility for it?” The world needs us to be our exact selves and bring those selves to the world to make it better.

Second, the people who love and respect you for who you are will support you and value what is unique and amazing about you. They don’t require you to be fixed, improved or be different than you are. They won’t bring you down or make you feel less valuable because of a trait you lack or something you have too much of.

And third, decide what you want and go get it. Corduroy tells himself, “I think I want this” throughout the book, uncertain about what looks or feels right to him. We can get continually distracted by what others tell us we want or need for ourselves. But in the end, like in Corduroy, we have to decide what is right for us and then go get it. Commit to getting to know yourself – who you are, what abilities you have and where in your world can you use them or be your true self – so you start to define what you want. You can’t know which way is forward until you’ve defined the end goal you’re working toward.

Take Action
People set goals all the time. You have an idea of something you want to have happen and you set out to make it reality. But what if that goal isn’t your goal? What if it’s an idea or goal for someone else? Learn to listen to your inner, wiser voice when it comes to you. You know you best. What really matters to you? What will connect you to your greatest abilities and potential? What will make you happy? It all starts with you – and your ability and commitment to knowing yourself.

And once you understand who you are in all your unique greatness, surround yourself with people who appreciate and respect you for who you are, not those who want or expect you to change for them.

By Krist i n Allaben

Consider reading Give Me Clarity and Courage

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60-Day Review – How is 2020 Working Out For You?

Kristin Allaben
February 20, 2020
awareness, Check-in, goals, progress, self-awareness

The best way to make things happen is to clearly define them and ensure you constantly track them.

As we approach the first 60 days of a new year, challenge yourself to stop and notice how things are going. Ask yourself:

Did you clearly define what you want to do, achieve or be in 2020?

What’s working in your actions to achieve what you want for 2020?

What’s not working in your actions to achieve what you want for 2020?

Each month can serve as a great review point to help you assess your progress. When things seem to be going well, take the time to applaud yourself for your successes. When things feel stuck or not moving as fast as you’d like, take the time to make any realignments or changes necessary to achieve your goals.

Let’s look at an example to see how you can apply this to your specific goals and actions.

Let’s say that your focus for the first 60 days of 2020 was to listen more effectively to your employees. Your specific goal was to look at the people you work with when they talk to you to get better at comprehending the information they are sharing while also improving your connection with them. You want to increase your attention by looking at them instead of trying to do several things at once. Good goal.

60 days into this goal, how are you doing?

Before you can confidently state that you’re doing well or not, create a list of what’s working and what’s not working.

Review what is working in the way you are listening. List the changes or improvements you are making and the impact on your communication with others. Why are they working? How will you keep these going?

Then, review what is not working in the way you are listening. Select something from this list and brainstorm ways to improve it. You may consider leaving a note on your computer that reminds you to stop working and look at your employee. You may consider sharing with employees that you want them to remind you when they see you are not present and listening. You may consider making it a requirement to repeat back or paraphrase what employees say to you as means to force yourself to pay closer attention. From this list of options, select one, build a plan and go implement it.

Then use the next month end (or sooner if your goal is more urgent) to review your progress.

Use this approach to check-in on yourself for any goal you identify. If you decided it was important enough to create a goal in 2020, it is important enough to create a review process to assess your progress.

Most of the time, we miss our goals is because our old habits take over. Interrupt your habits by creating a stronger and shorter review process so you are clearer about your progress and faster in your review to be able to do more of what is working or to realign if necessary.

Take Action
Create a goal follow-up process to be sure you are making progress. Celebrate successes. Brainstorm new approaches to missed goals. Know your progress and you will rock your goals in 2020, whether personal or professional.

Consider reading You Can’t Improve on Something You Don’t Measure

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Three Things to Amp Up the Effectiveness of Your Meetings

Kristin Allaben
August 28, 2019
Agenda, awareness, goals, Managers, Meetings, Organized

Meetings. They fill our days. And let’s be honest: most of them are unproductive or poorly managed. The result is that we waste a lot of time that most of us don’t have available to waste; we are already overcommitted.

Like it or not, meetings will always be part of the workday, so it is critical that you make them effective (they achieve what they should do) and efficient (they do it in as little time as possible). Remember: the value of meetings is what they accomplish or inspire, not just the act of meeting.

In my more than 20 years of coaching, consulting and working to amplify performance, I’ve discovered three things you can do to amp up the effectiveness of your meetings.

1. Make it Personal. Meetings are more effective when those attending can relate to each other. For that, we need to remember that we are each human. So consider starting each meeting with a quick run around the room, asking everyone to share any of the following:

What is the best thing that has happened to you today?
What is something personal that you want us to know about?
What is a success or achievement that you are proud of?
What is something that we would never have guessed about you?

When we share our humanity, we connect at a deeper level, which encourages greater sharing of ideas, less apprehension to contribute and, therefore, more productive meetings. Connecting personally builds a stronger bond than just meeting to solve problems, discuss ideas or share information.

Devise a bank of questions you can open your meeting with to help those involved see their shared humanity.

2. Define the objectives and expectations. According to Habit #2 in Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “begin with the end with mind.” With clarity of a direction, goal, objective or expectation, the meeting can police itself to stay focused. Without this clarity, a meeting can run in all directions, distracting the participants and wasting time.

I call this defining the goalpost. Ask yourself: what will we have to achieve to make this a successful meeting? Define it. Share it. Hold all meeting attendees to its achievement.

3. Use an agenda to stay on task. This might seem like a no brainer, but some of the most ineffective meetings are often the result of running with an unclear agenda, or no agenda at all. Even with clear objectives, meetings can wander because of the diversity of the meeting members. Use an agenda to stay focused on what matters and to stay committed to the time allotted to each topic. And ensure your meeting has a time or agenda manager, someone who keeps everyone accountable for their time, contribution and ensuring the meeting continues to move forward.

Nobody has unlimited time; it’s why seeing your calendar fill up with meeting after meeting can be so frustrating. So, make the time to define the topics that need to be covered, understand the time required to adequately discuss each topic and identify the goal(s) of the meeting. This creates the ability to use time wisely and to ensure the meeting attendees to stay focused.

I never attend a meeting I don’t have an agenda for. An agenda is not only a time saver, but it also helps me know how to prepare, how much time I will need to provide and what the meeting will accomplish. With this information, I can be effective in supporting it and making good use of my and the meeting’s time.

Take Action
Before you attend your next meeting, insist on knowing the objective or goal of the meeting and see the agenda. Then, once in the meeting, be sure to first make it personal and be committed to living to the focus and time define in the agenda.

Meetings are truly an invaluable tool when they are organized and run correctly. They can be the place where great things happen, or they can be an abject waste of time. Take control of them to get them to deliver great things for you and your organization.

Consider reading Managers: How to Identify and Correct Your Blind Spots

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Staying Connected by Being Accountable

I was talking to a friend of mine who told me that each day, she and her husband put time aside to share three big moments, two things they each want to improve on, and two things that didn’t get done that day. She explained that in doing so, it helps them stay focused on what they want to improve on while not losing sight of the good things that happened that day, things that can be easily forgotten or overlooked when life takes over. In short, this is how they stay aware and mindful.

Outstanding practical wisdom. I thought this was an amazing way to not only remain connected with your partner, but to also hold each other accountable for how you want your day, week, month or even your life to be. They embrace their roles as accountability partners.

I often find that not having an accountability partner is one of the reasons why people have a hard time achieving their goals.. It’s so easy to allow yourself to slip off course with a simple, “I’ll do it tomorrow” or the casual, “I will make it up.” Just think of the number of good-intentioned New Year’s resolutions that don’t make it to the end of January.

So, as you define new goals for yourself, however large or small they may be, consider identifying an accountability partner and sharing those goals with that partner. Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, a family member, a colleague or a coach, ask your accountability partner to check-in with you to help you stay on task and to live your commitments that will keep you moving in a productive direction.

Combine this with small, actionable and easy-to-measure goals and you’ll find even reaching your stretch goals becomes more manageable and easier to achieve.

Take Action
Consider how you can implement a 3-2-2 approach to your day, like the one I shared in the opening paragraph. Maybe it’s done in the morning as you set your intentions for the day, allowing you to reflect on the good things from the day before. Maybe it’s done right before bed so you can focus on the good before closing your eyes. Maybe it’s a standing lunch date to help you stop and notice what’s happening in and around you.

Whatever the approach, consider how your life could look when you add an accountability partner to help you stay on the right path toward achieving your goals.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Be Someone’s Hero

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Give Me Clarity – and Courage

Kristin Allaben
April 22, 2019
awareness, Clarity, courage, goals, life coach, success

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Though this quote by Reinhold Niebuhr is used in both serious and funny scenarios, I think it perfectly sums up a good coaching session. Coaching is focused on guiding you to gain clarity of yourself and your world so you can wisely choose an intentional or productive direction for you in work, relationships and life.

A coaching session calls a lot of things into perspective, whether you want to hear it or not. You gain clarity to see things with greater understanding. This lets you more clearly see your own goals, directions and personal expectations and learn how to align them to who you are and to what is possible.

Many times, you may enter a coaching relationship with a particular outcome or goal in mind, but through greater clarity, you realize the goal was more for others than for you. Does that sound familiar?

Keep in mind that coaching is not mentoring. Mentors give suggestions and advice. They accelerate learning in particular areas. Coaching, instead, guides you to see what is, solve your challenges and learn to identify, accept and work with what cannot be changed. You decide what success is and what it looks like for you. You, with guidance, consider your options to achieve your goals, then choose and act. Your coach is your clarity and accountability partner, helping you stay focused, clear and true to the goals you’ve defined for yourself.

Through coaching, you see, define and develop realistic, practical and achievable outcomes. That is being your life’s owner. That is being intentional in your decisions because you are clear about what is possible.

As poet e.e. cummings says, “It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.”

Courage and clarity through some assistance and guidance. That is how a coach can help you grow up to be who you really are.

Take Action
It’s up to you how you want your coaching relationship to look, what goals you want to be accountable for, and how you define and strive to reach those goals. Contact us to schedule a free 15-minute introductory conversation to see if coaching, and our style of coaching, is the right fit for you.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Bad Days Don’t Have to be Bad

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Living Life On Purpose

Kristin Allaben
November 12, 2018
awareness, celebrate, goals, intention, mindfulness

Most of us move through life too quickly. We rush from one event to another, barely aware of being part of them. We fall into bed at night, remembering very little of what happened during the day. Not only do we not remember our moments, but we didn’t use them to celebrate our successes or learn from our challenges. We actually miss out on our lives.

We don’t do this on purpose. And that is the problem: we don’t do a lot “on purpose.” Most of what we do, we do out of habit. The same ride to work. The same coffee in the morning. The same food for dinner. Same old, same old. Not that doing something over and over is a bad thing, it is just that when we allow ourselves to mindlessly go through life, we miss out on really experiencing what our world – and our unique lives – can offer.

So how do you start to live more purposely and intentionally? Here are three ways to start.

Take a walk down memory lane. Our memories, when we take the time to make them and revisit them, give us a deeper connection to our lives. We reconnect to who we are and what we experience. We see things more clearly and show up more intentionally.
Slow down instead of speed up. Do fewer things but be more involved in them. Rushing to get things done limits both how effective you are in what you do and the quality of what you experience. Commit to being fully present to where you are and to what you are doing. You will see more, feel more and connect more to your moments.
Listen to your inner voice. Most of us let the outer voices direct us through our lives. Though it is important to have input and information from those in our lives, we each truly know ourselves best. Living life on purpose also means living your life – the one you have and the one you direct. You must learn to hear and trust your inner self – it knows you best. You are accountable for your impact and happiness.

Life is best lived with intention, so do things on purpose. Communicate on purpose. Celebrate on purpose. Learn from your mistakes on purpose. As you tune in with your greatest attention, you learn the lessons of life and participate more fully in each.

Take Action
What is one area of your life that would benefit from approaching it on purpose? Start small but start today. Show up like you mean it and in the process, take note of how everything about life will improve.

Consider reading Living Today on Yesterday’s Beliefs

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Reflecting on the Olympics and Potential

Kristin Allaben
February 23, 2018
dedication, goals, medals, Olympics, potential, skating, success

Rarely do we get to see what potential looks like. So many people just barely scratch the surface of what they are capable of. Too many of us settle for “good enough.”

For those of us tuning in to watch the 2018 Winter Olympic Games in South Korea, we get ringside seats to see of the results of focus, determination, effort and above all, potential. To have so many consecutive days of Olympic athletes is both inspiring and activating. These athletes train without limit, know their strengths, push through their own obstacles and reach their potential right in front of our eyes. These ringside seats have led to multiple recent conversations I’ve had with clients who now are more inspired to set higher goals and push a little harder to achieve them.

I was most touched and reminded of potential when I heard interviews with the American brother/sister ice dancing couple, Maia and Alex Shibutani, who earned two Bronze medals during the Olympics this year. In their interview, they focused more on talking about their goal to show up and do their absolute best, to look past the basic level of competition in the Olympics and be fully engaged and committed to what is deepest and best in them.

They knew their potential and worked to achieve it. Remarkable perspective, especially from two 20-somethings.

This dedication and perspective on being present to be their best is a theme we hear over and over as every athlete talks about drive, focus and potential.

I routinely share this powerful quote by Buckminster Fuller, an American architect, with my clients and audiences: “What is it on the planet that needs doing that I know something about that probably won’t happen unless I take responsibility for it?”

It is a reminder to look into yourself, to know your abilities and potential, and to use them to make a positive change in your world. Olympic athletes do this as they activate something deep in all of us to want to do better, be better, perform better. They remind us that we have an obligation to bring what we do best to make our difference in the world.

Watching the Winter Olympics this year presents us with three big lessons. First, spend time knowing yourself. Recognize the limits you place on yourself and what your potential is and could be if those limits are removed.

Second, find places in your world where you can raise your game and your performance, for both you and your world.

And finally, stay inspired to always bring your A-game, your best, to all that you do, including the small stuff. Each moment of each day matters.

Important Questions from a Coach:

Soon, the 2018 Olympic Games in South Korea will end. How will the inspiration of the Games not go with it?
How will you continue to be inspired, engaged and even push to reach past the limits you set for yourself — whether intentionally or not — to move toward recognizing your full potential?
What is your commitment to bring your potential to all you do, to share it with your world to make it better?

The events of life are here to inspire us. Sometimes, they are challenges that force us to learn. Other times, they are success stories that remind us how capable we all are in our own ways. Your potential is not the same as mine, but there is the capacity for both of us to achieve great things when that individual potential is recognized. Watch for what the world shares with you and expects from you. In both places, watch for potential.

Consider reading How to Succeed in Changing Times

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Why So Serious? My New Year’s Resolution

Kristin Allaben
December 13, 2017
goals, mindfulness, New Year's resolution, relax

By Kristin Allaben, Strategic Communications Specialist and Executive Assistant

We talk a lot here about being mindful and aware, and using that insight to make actionable plans to help us achieve our goals. But I find that in all the talk about achieving goals, we can sometimes become a little too serious. Sure, there’s a time to be serious, but, as the saying goes, “life is too short to be serious all the time.”

So in 2018, my New Year’s Resolution is to stop being so serious all the time, and to be more present to appreciate all of life’s moments.

My sisters have repeatedly told me that this has been the new me since I found out I was pregnant with my first son. They’ve told me – in as loving a manner as younger sisters can manage – on more than one occasion, “you’re just so much more fun now!” Who would have thought becoming a mom would make me less… “intense?” Go figure.

But it’s my goal in the New Year to not only stop and appreciate all the little things, but to also intentionally make it a priority to laugh and relax more. You can relax and roll with what happens, or be tense and worry about everything. Both are choices, but only one is productive in helping you achieve what you want.

Life is always going to present challenges. It’s how life works. But that’s also why we create goals; they help us navigate around challenges so we can achieve what matters to us.

So in an effort to make this change, and to encourage you to do the same, I’m closing this post with a meme that makes me laugh every time I see it. And not just a chuckle. A belly laugh. The kind of laugh that makes my face hurt. Regardless of the reaction it inspires in you, may it help you keep perspective as you start your work to create meaningful and achievable New Year’s resolutions.

Feel free to share this meme, and enjoy!

Consider reading Life’s Little Moments

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