A Recap: Five Rules for A Really Great Life in 2020

Last year, we shared our 5 rules for a really great life in 2020.

Then 2020, well, imploded.

But our guidance still stands and, perhaps most importantly, these rules really did apply to all the challenges 2020 brought with it.

Let’s review.

Rule 1. Life has its ups and its downs. Expect them. Use the ups to help you deal with the downs. Never stay down long.

Well we certainly hit the nail on the head. Though we may not have been able to anticipate the severity of the down associated with the COVID-19 pandemic, you are equipped with the tools you need to overcome challenges in a productive and intentional way. Experience every emotion. Be fully present in each event. This is how you can celebrate the great ups and learn from the downs.

Rule 2. Never compare yourself to someone else. They are different on purpose and are better than you at some things and you are better than them at other things. Focus more on just being your best self.

This rings particularly true for working parents. How many times did you think, “how could they possibly be getting that much done with their kids at home?” Each person’s experience is different. You don’t know what’s happening behind their doors. Perhaps they have a live-in relative who was able to watch the kids. Perhaps they sought out babysitters who could be trusted to be safe and follow COVID-19 protocol. Perhaps a spouse lost their job and now they’re the primary (or possibly sole) breadwinner. Comparing your life to someone else’s is unproductive. Instead, just focus on you and what is happening in your life.

Rule 3. Make the time to know what makes you happy and stay focused on it. Get clear about your goals and stay focused on them, regardless of the distractions and interruptions you encounter.

Everyone seemed to let this go first. But the reminder is that we each have to make our lives happy, something that is independent of the events going on around us. Each moment of each day is ours to define how we want to be in it. Know what being happy means for you and commit to going after it. Make this a major goal for 2021.

Rule 4. Take nothing personally. As the expression goes, “What you think of me is none of my business.” Everyone can and will have their perspectives. Never let what others think and say distract you from being your best and truest self, and from focusing on what makes you happy.

See rule 3. Get focused on what you define as happy and successful. No one else can define that for you because it’s based on your experiences and your life situation. Once you know what happiness is to you, you’ll find other’s thoughts can’t affect you as much. In today’s comment-about-everything-and-everyone world, learn to shut off the social media noise and spend that time more focused on going after what makes you happy.

Rule 5. Make everything you touch better. My dad used to say, “It is not up to you to improve the world, just the part of it you touch.” Each day make where you are – your relationships, your work, how you show up to your world – just a little bit better. Overtime, you will make things significantly better.

This all starts with you. Get in the habit of paying greater attention to you, others and your world. Then, with expanded awareness, ask yourself, “what could I do to make this better? Make the focus on always making things better part of who you are and your approach to 2021. Own your impact. Raise your game. Believe in the value of helping others and helping our world improve.

We all need guidance. There is always going to be something we need to figure out or overcome to be sure we’re living a life that matters.

So, though these were our 5 rules for a great life in 2020, we’re sharing them again because these are 5 rules to have a great life. Period.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading 3 Ways to Help Your Team Start 2021 Strong and Focused

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I’m Feeling Good

I’m going to be honest: I didn’t mind the quarantine.

There were days when it was overwhelming, sure, and there were certainly days when I thought steam would truly come out of my ears. But having my family at home, watching my boys develop amazing relationships with each other, and knowing my family was safe together, was pretty amazing.

But as I sat down to write out the Christmas cards this week, it hit me: we’ve missed so much.

Maybe it was because Thanksgiving seemed like just another day. Maybe it’s because my husband and I were reminiscing with the boys about what we each used to do as kids around the holidays. Maybe it’s because it’s my littlest guy’s first Christmas when he’s aware enough to understand what’s going on. Maybe it’s because Christmas shopping just felt like a chore this year instead of something exciting.

Whatever the reason, I found myself in a low energy for a bit. I just felt sad. I felt sad for my kids. I felt sad for my parents and in-laws. I felt sad for my husband. I felt sad for me.

But I didn’t dwell there.

Feeling sad or frustrated is human; it’s normal to feel every emotion. I’ve written quite a bit about allowing yourself to really feel and experience every emotion you have. They are yours so you get to feel them.

Some emotions are productive and make you feel amazing. Others are unproductive and take your energy down to zero. For those negative emotions and energy (we call them “unproductive”), visit, don’t move in. Staying sad or frustrated about things you can’t control will lead to days of unhappiness.

But here’s something to think about: even difficult days can be happy. For that to happen, we just need to acknowledge the unhappy and look to replace it with something better.

So, I got refocused. I got re-centered. I played some music and one of my favorites came on: Michael Buble’s “Feeling Good.”

“It’s a new dawn,
It’s a new day,
It’s a new life for me
And I’m feeling good”

And I found myself agreeing.

Every morning, regardless of how chaotic it is or hangry the participants are, is a new day.

And 2021 has the promise of a new year, the chance to rebuild and redefine the life we want to lead.

So, I’m feeling good.

Take Action
If you find yourself overwhelmed by the changes to your life this year, let yourself feel every emotion. Frustrated? Absolutely. Sad? Probably. Anxious? Yep.

Write down what you’re feeling and why. Putting words to the emotions you feel helps you wrap your head around what’s going on and can help you to literally see how to move forward.

Then, write down one good thing that happened today. Just one thing. Maybe your coffee was absolutely perfect this morning. Maybe the kids gave you an hour of uninterrupted time during the day. Maybe the weather was stunning. Maybe you didn’t hit snooze and got up with plenty of time for a workout and am nice, unrushed hot shower.

What’s the one thing that made you feel good today?

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Why Presence Really Matters Most This Year

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Try, Try Again

Re-emerge. Rebuild. Stronger. Better. More focused.

These are the things we say to people and they’ve gone through tough times, or when they find themselves in the middle of it.

“You’ll come out better than this.”

“You’ll be stronger after all of this.”

“You’ll rebuild.”

“You’ll be more focused.”

It’s basically a mantra. We (as humans) try to find ways to make someone feel better for experiencing something hard.

2020 was not an easy year for anyone. Jobs were lost. Friends and loved ones were lost. We had lots of confusing and conflicting leadership and guidelines. It was a year that really tested all of us and pushed many of us to our limits.

So, we can all remain disappointed about what happened or didn’t happen in 2020, or we can see a chance to shift our mindset to change what we can change, or, if we can’t change it, change how we think about it.

So, in that light, 2021 is a year to rebuild. It’s a year to be stronger and better. It’s a year to be more focused. 2021 is the year we come out of the ashes. We re-emerge to be a better version of ourselves and inspire those around us to do the same.

We will find a way forward. Gracefully and gradually, we will come out of all this. After all, life always finds a way. It starts with your personal commitment to get yourself moving forward, no matter where you are.

Get up.

Get clear.

Get moving.

Take Action
Here’s an activity for you. Take a few minutes today to set yourself up for a focused and better you 2021.

Answer these questions:

  1. What are three words you’d use to describe your past year?
  2. What are three words you’d identify as descriptors for your 2021?
  3. If you could accomplish one big thing in 2021, what would it be?

Start with the end in mind: a great, remarkable and amazing 2021.

2020 certainly challenged us, but the way we move forward, the way we emerge out of the ashes, is to know where we’re going.

So, where are you going this year?

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading Seeing Through the Fog

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Seeing Through the Fog

Yes, it has been difficult to imagine what next week will look like, let alone thinking about a new year. So how do we start to focus on rebuilding and rethinking what we want to accomplish, achieve or create in 2021?

Visualize.

Visualization is the process of picturing what you want. The ability to visualize helps create clarity. Stephen Covey shared in Habit #2 of his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “begin with the end in mind.” Getting clear about what you want or what success means to you is a key part of building a plan and achieving it.

But how can you get clear when your world is still so covered in so much uncertainty by the unresolved pandemic? Here is where another great coaching skill can serve you well – imagining.

Imagining is the process of allowing yourself to create, dream or invent whatever you want. It has no regard to what is currently possible, ignoring any restrictions or unknown factors. It simply allows you to focus on what you truly want to be, achieve, etc.

Think about it this way: you are walking along a beach and you see something shiny. You reach down to pick it up and realize it is an old lamp. You rub it to see the exterior more clearly and a genie appears. The genie offers you one wish.

So now ask yourself: if you could have whatever you want, what would it be? (This is a great activity for a family, a couple or a workplace team, as well.)

Imagining is important for two reasons.

First, it reminds you that no matter how tough things are, you are still the creator of your life. Though you may have to revise some of your imagined ideas when it comes time to implementation, you still have more control over this process than the fog makes you think. The fog robs you of your ability to feel empowered, engaged and in control, taking away your energy. With no energy and a feeling of no control, it limits your ability to dream, stay focused and achieve the things that matter. The fog makes you give up.

Second, imagining gets you excited. When things are dark, obscure and uncertain, imagining a new beginning, a better outcome or even a new direction amplifies your energy. You get charged up and it inspires a feeling that all (or at least more) things are possible. That energy is necessary to see through the fog so you can start building your plan to achieve what you want.

Take Action
Seeing through the fog is your key to landing on your feet and building something great in 2021. This starts now. You’ve spent enough time in the fog. Now it’s time to have a strategy and a plan to see through it to a new, better and healthier year. Visualize what you want. Imagine it’s possible. And with that clarity, back into the things you can start today that will get you moving and achieving.

A year from now, you will look back at this moment and feel energized that no matter what work or life sends, you have the tools to see your way through it to a place that matters to you.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Ready or Not, 2021, Here We Come!

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