The Forte Factor
a Greatness Zone LLC company
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Jay@TheForteFactor.com
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Your Mood Affects Others; Manage it.

The grumpy customer made you grumpy. The impatient driver activated your short fuse. The enthusiastic employee made you smile. The supportive manager inspired greater team camaraderie.

How others act affects how you act. It is called emotional contagion. Emotion contagion can be positive and inspiring, or it can be negative and demotivating. It all depends on how you show up to a situation and how you decide to respond instead of react. This has particular importance for leaders and managers within an organization.

Leaders set not only the strategic direction of the organization, but how they show up to their interactions, challenges, successes and opportunities influences how they engage or disengage an entire organization.

Think about a time when you encountered a disappointment, frustration or aggravation. How did you handle it? Did you ensure everyone around you knew you were frustrated or aggravated? Or, did you take a breath, manage your emotions and stay clear, focused and intentional about your direction? What was the impact on others of your choice?

Now think about a time when your boss encountered a disappointment, frustration or aggravation. How did they handle it? Did they make a point of sharing how frustrated and aggravated they were? Or did they handle it calmly, wisely and intentionally? Again, what was the impact on others because of their choice?

When we let the challenges and aggravations of work and life get under our skin, we absorb the negative energy and share it without thinking. If we are upset, others know it. And the more leaders share it, the more they can take an upbeat and productive organization, disengage the employees and quickly send them running to other organizations where leaders have learned to manage their emotions.

Here is some good news: the same happens with positive emotions. Approach your day with gratitude, patience, resilience and optimism and you will spread it. The more you feel these positive emotions, the better your days are and the more you can counteract the negative emotions from others. Think of it as a forcefield that encourages confidence, enthusiasm and positivity.

Being able to call on these positive emotions when things (and people) around you are challenging requires you to have a daily practice of building positive energy. Reading, listening to or playing music, taking a walk, enjoying nature, spending time with those you love and care about are all ways for you to develop a successful distraction from the negative energy and people, and to remind you that there is always more good around you than bad; you may just have to work harder to see it. It is up to you to build your toolbox – the things that help you stay upbeat, calm and optimistic, regardless of the challenges, noise and nasty people around. These situations and others’ behaviors are about them, not you.

Make it your choice who and how you want to be. Building a practice of self-management and resilience through gratitude, optimism and care builds a positive forcefield that negativity cannot pierce.

Take Action
At the beginning of each day, identify 3 things that will make your day great. Do the same thing at the end of the day; identify 3 things that made your day great. Focus on being positive, optimistic and engaged. Identify when you brought negative energy to your workplace or life – and why. Be on the lookout for other times that will take you down and build your positive focus to meet them head on.

When you have a successful optimism and gratitude practice, it is easier and more successful to handle whatever life sends. From this place, you send off a greater, happier energy that can then ripple through your workplace or home. You encourage more positive emotions and actions in others, instead of allowing their negativity and pessimism to influence you.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading How to Get the People Thing Right for Your Business

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Life

Don’t Be An Ostrich

We’ve all heard the news about the potential spread of Coronavirus. I’m the first to admit, I wasn’t paying attention to the news around it for too long, so when the announcement was made yesterday (February 25) about the potential widespread threat, I panicked. I thought about my husband working in the city. I thought about my kids at school. I thought about my Mom and mother-in-law, both teachers. I thought about my Dad who travels a lot. I thought about my sister who works in a hospital. I thought about my new niece who is just starting daycare. I thought about a lot of things.

And I panicked.

But here’s why: I didn’t have all the information. I jumped to conclusions based on one news source.

And that’s the problem. People are all too ready to accept one piece of news as fact, without getting the rest of the information. I’m reading a book called The ONE Thing and in it, the author talks about the idea of “truthiness.” The idea was coined by Stephen Colbert meaning, “truth that comes from the gut, not books.”

Basically, truthiness is the idea that something seems like the truth so you roll with it, without confirming that it is in fact reality. This is why I encourage my clients to always ask themselves: Is this true? Or do I believe it to be true? With immediate access to any type of information (thank you Siri and Google Assistant), we do very little critical thinking. We don’t research, assess, evaluate or analyze because we aren’t required to in order to function. When we hear something, or let the Internet tell us something, we allow ourselves to believe it is true and we run with it.

We’ve all become ostriches, burying our heads in the sand, committed to believing what we hear at face-value, not willing to spend a few extra minutes to get more information to validate what we hear.

So, now you’re aware. What can you do to increase your world-awareness on the things that matter to you before you jump to conclusions and make hasty decisions, potentially impacting your life and the lives of those around you?

Don’t be an ostrich. Immediate access to an infinite amount of information gives each of us the opportunity to be well-informed. Take the time to find the truth. Then make decisions based on what is true, not what is loud, popular or trendy.

Take Action
Whatever you use for a news source, open it up. Read through today’s headlines. Now and stop and notice how you feel. Regardless of whether that feeling is a negative emotion (anxiety, worry, fear) or a positive one (happy, interested, excited), challenge yourself to learn more about the headline that most caught your attention. Explore other news sources. Expand what you consider. Be sure your sources are committed to accuracy. See what people are saying about the topic on social channels. Build your information before you decide the best response to the news for you.

And always remember to check in with yourself by asking: is this true? Or do I believe it to be true?

You’ll be amazed how much wiser your decisions will be.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading 3 Ways A Coach Can Help You Succeed

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Life

To Change A Habit, Try Something Different

As a coach, I find the best service I can provide to my clients is to help them learn to see any situation – whether an opportunity or a challenge – from a variety of perspectives. When they learn to see it differently, they can try different things. This can amplify an opportunity or remove a block or a challenge, frequently resulting in a better outcome. The major reason is because it challenges a habit.

Most of the time, we look through the same lenses at the events, relationships and circumstances of life. We approach a challenge in the same way, frequently disappointed with our inability to solve it or to find a way around it.  We use what we know even though it doesn’t give us the result we really want. The same goes for opportunities. Sometimes, we approach an opportunity in the same way we always have, preventing us from truly taking advantage of all it can offer.

Why do we do this? Because habits are comfortable, and we rarely change what we’re comfortable with, even if it doesn’t give us the results we want.

Habits can help us, but they can also be the reason why we feel stuck, disappointed and unproductive. Consider these frequently unconscious habits:

  • When your kids get you upset, you raise your voice. It’s your habit, and I bet if you habitually raise your voice when you are challenged by your kids, you likely do it with your employees or colleagues, or even when someone cuts you off on the highway. After all, it’s a habit.
  • You avoid having a difficult conversation because you are non-confrontational. You don’t address what needs to be said or dealt with because of the discomfort of dealing with them, so you put up with an unproductive or unacceptable relationship with a spouse, friend, neighbor, manager or colleague. It’s a habit.

To start to undo an unproductive habit, do something different. At first it seems challenging. After all, we do the things that feel comfortable – even if they are unproductive. Tell yourself to try something new in handling the situation to see if it improves the outcome. In the process, you’ll start to see that you are more able, capable and talented than you initially thought.

You don’t know until you try.

So, consider what could change when you challenge your habit behaviors. What if you eliminate raising your voice for anything for a day or a week? No yelling at anyone for any reason. As you remember this, you force yourself to solve or deal with the situation in a new way. Many times, you will find you have other more successful abilities that help you create a better outcome.

What if you make a commitment to say what is on your mind, lovingly and with care, but you still commit to saying it in a situation with one person you normally avoid saying what you feel or think? Start by offering your perspective about something small or minor. Then notice how you did with it. How did you feel? Could you see that you have the ability to do this, and it was just habit to avoid it?

Take Action
Identify an unproductive habit you have. This week, whenever you would normally do this habit or behavior, do something different. Notice what outcome it creates, as well as what new abilities you notice in yourself.

You are more talented and amazing than you know. Ironically, it’s your habits can hold you back. Do things differently and you will start to see how much more talented and amazing you are. Start small, but start.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Here is Your Permission Slip

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Life

Don’t Panic (Unless You Absolutely, Positively Need to Panic)

I had a great weekend visiting family and family friends. We talked about everything from our kids to hobbies to our jobs. At one point, one of the family friends shared an incredibly wise mantra that I want to share with you: Don’t panic until it’s time to panic. I’m going to take it a step further: don’t panic unless you absolutely, positively need to panic.

We live in a world where anxiety and panic-mode are seemingly the norm. It’s not uncommon to hear someone say, “Oh, that gives me anxiety.” Or “ugh, panic mode setting in!” These phrases regularly show up during a normal day. Why do so many things seem to push us to the edge?

It is because we react instead of respond.

Don’t panic unless you absolutely, positively need to panic reminds you to beaware. To be aware of the situation. To be aware of yourself. To be aware of how you’re showing up to the situation – reacting or responding – and which one will help you create the best outcome.

A big part of our coaching process explores the difference between reacting and responding. By understanding the difference, you have the ability to choose how you want to be. The noise, challenges and pace of life don’t have to make you panic. You have the ability to sort through what is going on to determine what to do and how to respond. You become smarter on your feet. You become more thoughtful in your everyday actions. You become more aware and mindful about your world and your role in it.

Don’t panic unless you absolutely, positively need to panic.

Be aware. Be thoughtful. Choose how to respond (not react). Notice the difference.

Take Action
What is something you can do today, or this week, to start to catch yourself in reactionary mode? How can you move yourself from reaction to thoughtful response?

Notice the difference it has on you and your world – your work, your relationships, your well-being. Set yourself apart from the rest. Don’t bring panic until you have considered other, more constructive options. Only then, when it’s absolutely, positively time to panic, can you panic.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading The Value of Setbacks

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Life

Go Center Yourself

By Jay Forte

Your employees always seem to find some way to aggravate you.

Your kids or spouse know just how to get under your skin.

The traffic on the highway, or the line of people ahead of you at the grocery store, can make you lose your cool.

The person who is too loud on their cell phone sitting near you in the airport frustrates you because you can’t concentrate on reading your novel or reviewing your notes for your meeting.

When you find yourself in any situation where your anger is rising, take a moment. Go center yourself. You will take control of your thoughts, feelings and actions to help you more calmly, sanely and wisely respond to whatever aggravation, frustration or irritation the world is sending you.

You are responsible for your responses and reactions. The situations you find yourself in are just information. Sure, some of them can be tedious, tough or terrible. They can be aggravating, frustrating and even irritating. Some of life is. But how you are in each of these moments is up to you. You can lose your cool or you can learn to get yourself to a place of calm that will help you wisely assess the situation, consider your alternatives, and choose one that can give you the best result. You can’t do this from a reactionary brain.

Go center yourself means you take a moment to get control of yourself, maintain context, get composed and then see the situation for what it is. This creates the ability to see more, consider more and ultimately choose a response that will give you a better result.

Here are three ways to go center yourself.

  1. Breathe. The breath is powerful. It creates an immediate change in you for two reasons. First, it activates a part of the brain that releases stress-reducing hormones, resulting in a relaxation response in the body. This built-in calming response is available to you any time you can remember to breathe. And second, the act of taking a breath interrupts you, even for just a moment, to disconnect you from the stress environment, breaking the default habit reaction. Once disconnected, more options to respond are possible.
  2. Move. Movement activates the brain and can shift it out of reacting. Simply by shifting, standing, sitting or moving a few steps allows you to create a disconnection from the event that can change your view of the situation and give yourself greater response options.
  3. Be inspired. Have a page of inspiring quotes, lyrics or lines from poetry to go to when you find yourself getting stressed. A line from a Maya Angelou poem, or some of the comedy found in Dr Seuss or Ogden Nash’s poems, can help you see things differently and allow yourself to get back in control. Again, it is a distraction that moves you away from reacting.

Centering is a way to be sane, calm and ready for what life sends you. Use it as you approach a big project, a big decision, a challenging situation or a tough discussion. It will help you show up to each in the best way possible by helping you see things more clearly and to manage the reactions.

Take Action

How will you center yourself in a tough situation or in anticipation of a tough situation this week? Notice the difference in the outcome and in how you felt in the process. Recognize the difference in you when you choose how to be. Calm, focused and tuned in is better than distracted, reactionary and stressed. Go center yourself.

Consider reading Want to Change the World? Engage a Coach.

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Life

Expect the Unexpected: What’s Your Plan B?

By Jay Forte

You have a plan. You did your work, but the results you wanted did not happen because something interrupted it. How do you feel about it? Frustrated? Annoyed? Able to shrug it off and try again?

I, like many people, can easily get upset and shift right into acting like a victim if things don’t go my way (think: “why does this always happen to me?”). Regardless of the situation – a new client that doesn’t materialize because of their budget restriction, a winter storm that delays or cancels my flight, an illness that makes me miss a well needed vacation – I have to remember that it’s just life. Despite your best intentions, there are too many variables in life that are out of your control.

But you can control your response. 

By learning to expect the unexpected, it helps you let life be as it is while you go along for the ride. This approach means you spend less time fighting what life sends you and more time understanding that life is fluid, and as such, you should be as well. Knowing this can help you relax more about life.

True, there are disappointments that happen when life doesn’t go as planned. But can you learn to accept life on life’s terms and to zig and zag as you keep moving forward? Yes. Can you learn to not take things so personally by realizing that you will never control every outside force in life? Absolutely.

By accepting that life’s formula is to expect the unexpected, you can tune in to life differently, be less stressed and less angry. Losing these negative emotions and energy makes life’s experiences more enjoyable because you are more optimistic. This, in turn, presents you with greater opportunities.

This improved outlook can help you see or create a plan B, move there calmly and continue to see life as amazing and remarkable.

I have finally learned to be ready with my Plan B so I can keep moving and not lose my stride when things don’t go as planned. This gives me peace of mind knowing I have other options if the first one doesn’t pan out. I don’t need to have a meltdown; I can sanely and calmly consider what to do next.

Life is not yours to control, but it is yours to engage with, accept and appreciate. Learning to expect the unexpected reminds you that you are not in charge of anything but your response to the events of life. Learn to roll with it, bounce back and expect you will sometimes need a Plan B.

Sometimes the Plan B can actually be better than your original plan.

Important Questions from a Coach:

  1. Where in life are you rigid and inflexible?
  2. What is one thing you can do today to be more adaptable in those areas?
  3. What event in your life can you develop a Plan B for in order to maintain a calmer and saner approach to life?

Consider reading The Energy Funnel Explained: Catabolic vs. Anabolic

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