Don’t Let the External Noise Interrupt Your Internal Quiet

Lately, I have gotten into yoga. The yoga class I like the most (because the instructor actually instructs those of us who are novices) is at a gym where the weight equipment is on the second floor and the yoga room is on the first floor. Throughout our yoga class, weights are dropped with booming resonance, sounding like thunder or explosions. Not a good environment for finding your Zen.

Or, perhaps, it serves as an important lesson.

During one of my yoga classes, a particularly loud boom jolted me from my mindful and peaceful place and abruptly pulled me back to the first floor at the gym. I could have been upset and frustrated at the interruption, but instead, it reminded me that life is full of noise.

The continual bing of the email or text notification, interrupting every moment of our days. The 24-hour news cycle that continually shares what is difficult, disappointing and dangerous in our world. The continual yack of people on cell phones, even in quiet places like a waiting room or a trail in a pristine grove of hemlocks.

When we are pushed and assaulted by the distractions and noise of our world, we get worn out. Notice how you interact with yourself and others when you are worn out. Generally, this isn’t your best.

Sometimes you can control the noise, but in most cases, you have to learn to create your own internal quiet oasis within the noise. Learning to be fully present in a noisy world is key to being happy and successful in that same noisy world. Those who meditate share that when you develop your practice, you can meditate in the peace and quiet on a beach or in the cacophony of a subway car.

Don’t let the external noise interrupt your internal quiet.

Finding your internal quiet gives us the ability to tune in to ourselves – to understand what we are feeling, thinking and experiencing. It is in this time that we better understand who we are so we can more calmly and wisely respond to our noisy and distracting world.

Let me show you what this looks like in a real-world example. Try this: memorize the following two lines while you have the television on or while you are watching a YouTube video: “Mindfulness means paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. This is how to show up to yourself and your world.”

 Did you find this easy? Challenging? For most people, I bet it was tough. Here’s why: your brain easily gets interrupted by external distractions and noise.

Now, create a space of quiet and calm. In that space, try to memorize the same two lines. You will likely be more successful at the task.

See the impact of creating quiet? Sure, sometimes you can remove yourself from the noise and be in a place that is literally quiet. But in most cases, you will have to create your place of quiet amid the noise. It will be up to you to find a way to get to your inner quiet, even when the world around you is loud.

So, whether it is weight-lifters dropping weights during a yoga class or the ever-present technology making sounds and recommendations to our thoughts and comments, our world is a distracting one. It is up to each of us to either turn down the noise or learn to tune it out. In the quiet moments is where we can process our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts and even our world, to wisely, deliberately and intentionally interact, not react, to it.

Take Action
Wherever you find yourself, take three breaths. Calm your body. Quiet your mind. Focus on something internally. Allow yourself to dwell on that – a feeling, a mantra, a kind thought, a wish or anything that is productive and happiness-based. In this way, and regardless of the noise and distractions around you, you can create an oasis of peace where you can calm yourself, manage your emotions and be present. From there, you can reach back out to that noisy world in a calmer, more intentional and a more mindful way.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading Small Steps are Key for Big Changes

Return to the Blog

The Holidays are Coming and You Still Have to Work at Home

The holidays have always been associated with some type of stress. Whether it’s worrying about meeting end-of-year deadlines, financial burdens or navigating the personalities of family members, there’s always something in the back of our minds that can upset this period’s intention of celebration and joy.

And this year, with the presence of COVID-19, work and school can now be done at home, so a new stressor emerges: how will you accommodate the holidays and the changes to your house and schedule, and still get your work and schoolwork done?

Your office may be in the guest room that will now be taken over by a visiting relative. Your corner of the family or living room that was your office set up now may need to move to accommodate the holiday decorations. Your routine of getting to emails early before everyone is up may be now shared with a visiting relative who likes to rise with the sun.

Just when you thought you created a routine that actually works, the holidays are now the latest thing challenging them.

Consider the following ways to remain calm, adapt, get your work done and still manage to enjoy the holidays.

  1. Get present by taking a few breaths to relax your mind, disconnect from your emotions and give yourself the ability to look at your situation. You can’t solve anything if your mind is anxious, angry, frustrated or irritated. In those states, you use your energy to be upset instead of finding a solution. So, get yourself calm. Developing a breathing or meditation practice are ways to separate yourself from your situation so you can come back to it calmer and more present to deal with it.
  2. The holidays are a period of great celebration and joy. Remember what it feels like to get the house ready for the holidays? The foods, the decorations, the lights, the traditions. Regardless of how crazy the world is, holidays bring us back to some of our fondest memories. They remind us that life and its events are to be celebrated.
  3. Remind yourself that any inconvenience is only temporary. Though the holidays may interrupt your schedule, they come and go. Remember how much fun it is decorating but how good it feels to have the space back when it is over. Review your work expectations over the next 2 months to develop a plan. If you see interruptions in your ability to deliver on your expectations, address it early with your team and manager. You are not alone in making your home office shift back into some shared space brought on by the holidays.
  4. Communication is essential. As you learned how to make working and schooling from home happen, work as a family to discuss how you can make holidays happen in your space. Consider using family meetings to address the changes that will affect the house based on the holiday. Expand the communication to be sure everyone feels heard and included.

2020 has indeed been a year of changes, but with every change, notice that you’ve been able to adapt. Adaptability is truly a skill to be developed. The more you build a practice of responding instead of reacting to the things that happen around you, the greater the options you will create to make a success out of what happens.

Take Action
Start the conversation now about what the holiday plans are and how they will affect work and school. Consider using a family meeting to hear thoughts and perspectives from everyone. Keep the focus on the holiday’s celebration purpose to encourage excitement and to develop the stamina to accommodate yet one more change, albeit temporary. Focus on the holiday’s celebration, excitement and joy.

The holidays come and go, but they have the power to dull the challenges of the real world, even for a moment. Let yourself fee the excitement and joy of the season. Be present to it all.

By Jay Forte

Consider reading 4 Tips to Not Be Bad at Working from Home

Return to the Blog

Managing Your Self-Talk

A big part of who we are at The Forte Factor is dedicated to helping our clients be the best version of themselves. To discover, develop and live their strengths. To work toward their definition of happy and successful.

To do all this requires you to be aware of your world, aware of yourself and, perhaps most importantly, being self-managed, recognizing that sometimes your strengths may be too strong for a specific situation, and your liabilities may be unchecked.

In a recent article by psychologist Joan Rosenberg, she talked about five irrational thinking patterns that can negatively impact how you think and feel about yourself. Reading through these thinking patterns, it reminded me of the importance of self-talk. Tuning in to who you are is a challenging first step to the coaching experience. It requires you to tune out the rest of the world and be completely honest with yourself to identify your strengths, your liabilities and what makes you happy.

For those of you who take the time out of your day to tune in to your self-talk, how much of it is negative?

Your negative self talk is that sneaky voice seems to come from nowhere, challenging your confidence and making you think twice about something you’re about to do. “You’ll never be able to make that sale.” “You don’t belong here.” “You are not good enough.” “You are completely out of your realm here. You don’t even have a senior title.”

At The Forte Factor, we call this your Super-Committee – the negative, critical and unproductive self-talk our inner critic is all too eager to share. Our Super-Committee challenges our confidence and competence, reminding us of the times we’ve failed in the past. Though its motivation is positive (it really just wants to protect us from things that didn’t work in our past), it can keep us small, stuck and afraid to go for the things we want in work and life if left unchecked and unmanaged.

So how do you manage the Super-Committee? It’s all about your self-talk.

Everyone has had some failure in life. Whether big or small, it can elicit the same uncomfortable feeling every time you think of it. So, embrace the failure. Recognize what happened and own the mistake (this is part of being human). Work through your feeling of discomfort. Ask yourself: what can this experience teach me? And how can I be better next time? Challenge yourself to be completely honest and identify what worked and what didn’t work. Don’t judge it. Simply notice and learn from it.

You’ll find your Super-Committee can be a bully. Similar to not giving bullies any ammo to make you feel bad about yourself, working through uncomfortable emotions and situations allows you to shift your self-talk from negative to positive. You can’t feel like a failure if you see yourself rebounding from the situation bigger and better.

One thing I love that Joan Rosenberg says is that it’s your decision how you think about yourself and how to you talk to yourself. You always have the choice to make life what you want it to be. If you choose to be happy, you have the ability to make that happen. Take control of your life. Start with how you talk to yourself.

Take Action
Think of something that happened to you recently that made you particularly uncomfortable. Think about that event and focus on the emotion(s) you felt. Take a few moments to reflect. What happened? Why did it elicit the type of emotions you felt? What did you learn from the event? How could your Super-Committee try to use this event against you in the future?

Manage your self-talk and your Super-Committee by being self-aware. Nothing can quiet the loud inner critic more than being confident and clear about who you are.

By Kristin Allaben

Consider reading The Value of Setbacks

Return to the Blog

RSS feed
Connect with us on Facebook
TWITTER
Follow Me
Connect with us on LinkedIn